|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
Lehigh Valley Arts Council
840 Hamilton Street, Suite 201 ◊ Allentown, PA 18101 610.437.5915 ◊ info@LVArtsCouncil.org www.LVArtsCouncil.org ◊ LVArtsBoxOffice.org |
||||
Category Humor
Lehigh Valley Arts Council To Present Comedian Josh Blue At Williams Center For The Arts, Lafayette College, June 14
Josh Blue, the celebrated comedian who uses his own affliction with cerebral palsy as part of his routine, will perform in Easton at 7 p.m. June 14 at Lafayette College, Easton, Pa. The event is sponsored by the Lehigh Valley Arts Council, in cooperation with the Williams Center for the Arts at Lafayette, to celebrate LVAC’s yearlong Arts & Access program, a call for Valley arts organizations to be more inclusive of persons with disabilities.
Blue was the grand prize winner at the Las Vegas Comedy Festival, has appeared on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing” and is a favorite on the college comedy circuit. He is known for his ability to improvise and encourage his audience to overcome preconceived notions about people who are labeled as “disabled.”
A recent L.V. Research Consortium survey revealed that more than 13 percent of the Valley’s population has a disability and that this population grows by about three percent per year.
“Josh Blue is the ideal ambassador for greater inclusion of the disabled,” says LVAC Executive Director Randall Forte. “We are overwhelmed at the success of the first year of Arts & Access, particularly with the enthusiasm of our participating arts organizations.”
Since June 14 is also Flag Day, the program has been tagged “Red, White and Blue.” Invitations are in the mail to Arts Council members and the clients of Lehigh Valley non-profit agencies serving clients with challenges such as blindness, deafness, autism and other disabilities. A limited number of tickets will also be available to the public, particularly for individuals with disabilities, by calling LVAC at 610-437-5915.
The event marks the culmination of the Arts Council’s celebration of the 25th anniversary of the passing of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). The LVAC program was a response to a request by the L.V. Partnership for a Disability Friendly Community to encourage local arts organizations to reconsider how their offerings can better serve disabled individuals.
For example, the Josh Blue event will be interpreted by an American Sign Language practitioner, will be audio-described, and the hand-out program will be available in Braille and large print versions. LVAC offers arts groups assistance and lends the special equipment needed for audio description.
As a result of Arts & Access, 30 cultural organizations have teamed with social service agencies over the past year to provide greater accommodation at more than 50 disability-friendly events, including sensory-friendly performances for children with autism, movement classes for Parkinson’s patients, audio-described and open-captioned theatrical performances, lectures, exhibitions, poetry readings, film screenings, and public meetings. LVAC reports that as a result of Arts & Access 2015-16, 589 people with disabilities attended those events, accompanied by 705 family members and friends.
For supporting documents and materials, please click here: http://www.lvartscouncil.org/red-white-and-blue/
This Year’s Darwin Award Winners
The annual honor is given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year’s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year’s winner was a real rocket scientist… HONEST! Read on…And remember that each and every one of these is TRUE.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It a appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It a appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accosting Park , jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. ‘The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,’ Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was ‘Major trauma.’
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accosting Park , jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. ‘The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,’ Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was ‘Major trauma.’
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend – no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate – was hospitalized.
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend – no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate – was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter! Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ”bright” by his peers.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter! Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ”bright” by his peers.
Now, the winner of this year’s Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist…. had somehow gotten hold of a J A T O unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra ‘push’ for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the J A T O unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the J A T O!
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist…. had somehow gotten hold of a J A T O unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra ‘push’ for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the J A T O unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the J A T O!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the J A T O ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The J A T O, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F -14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver’s remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground. You couldn’t make this stuff up, could you?
………. AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE ALL AROUND US, BREEDING & VOTING!!!
Pronounce This: Pennsylvania Names
Oops I Let The Cow In… Really Cute Video
Pennsylvania Style By SSM (Sloppy Secondz Music) – Gangnam Style Parody – PA Song
Back To Work After Thirty Years
Hysterical 5 second video for those of us who grew up before computers. Thanks to my sister for the share 🙂
“Come To The Fair!” – Annual Colonial May Fair At Pottsgrove Manor
Pottstown, PA – Celebrate spring at the Annual Colonial May Fair held at historic Pottsgrove Manor on Saturday, May 3, 2014 from 11:00am to 5:00pm.
This yearly event is a fun-filled day with activities for all ages including games, music, dancing, and crafts. Tucker’s Tales Puppet Theatre will present interactive puppet shows and will also provide festive historic music around the grounds during the event. Signora Bella will delight audiences with her acrobatic feats. Colonial conjurer Levram the Great will perform historically-themed magic shows and entertain visitors with pocket magic tricks throughout the day. Members of the Tapestry Historic Dance Ensemble will demonstrate authentic English country dances and will lead visitors in dances around the maypole to open and close the fair.
In addition to the entertainment, a variety of early American crafters and demonstrators will be on hand to display historic skills and trades and sell their wares. Young visitors can compete in hoop races, play with colonial toys and games, help churn butter, and more! The first floor of colonial ironmaster John Potts’ 1752 manor house will be open for self-guided tours during the fair. Open-hearth cooking will be demonstrated in the Pottsgrove Manor kitchen. While visitors can’t try the food cooked in the colonial kitchen, they will be able to purchase food during the event. MMG Concessions will offer burgers, cheesesteaks, hot dogs, sausage, sandwiches, fries, hand-rolled pretzels, fresh-squeezed lemonade, and more. Visitors can also shop at the manor’s museum shop for colonial games, books, and unique gifts.
This year’s fair coincides with the first-ever “Pow-Wow on Manatawny Creek,” celebrating the culture and traditions of the Lenni-Lenape Indians. The pow-wow will be taking place during the hours of May Fair and will be held at Memorial Park, less than a block from the Manor. The public is encouraged to visit both events for an experience that spans time periods and cultures!
For a schedule of the day’s activities and a list of vendors and craftspeople who will be at the fair, please visit http://www.montcopa.org/index.aspx?NID=1421.
A donation of $2.00 per person is suggested for this event. Visitors are asked to park at the Carousel at Pottstown building, 30 West King Street. There is no charge for parking, and Pottstown’s restored trolley will be giving free rides during the fair between the carousel parking lot, Memorial Park, and Pottsgrove Manor. Handicapped parking is available in the museum’s parking lot.
Pottsgrove Manor is located at 100 West King Street near the intersection of King Street and Route 100, just off Route 422, in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Pottsgrove Manor is operated by Montgomery County under the direction of the Parks, Trails, and Historic Sites Division of the Assets and Infrastructure Department. For more information, please call 610-326-4014, or visit the website at www.montcopa.org/pottsgrovemanor.
Like Pottsgrove Manor on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pottsgrovemanor.
Colbert To Replace Letterman As “Late Show” Host
NEW YORK — Stephen Colbert — the supremely gifted host of “The Colbert Report” who has made a career of satirically channeling Bill O’Reilly — has been named host of “The Late Show.” He will replace David Letterman when the latter retires next year, probably in May.
Letterman said in a statement, “Stephen has always been a real friend to me. I’m very excited for him, and I’m flattered that CBS chose him. I also happen to know they wanted another guy with glasses.”
Colbert was expected. But this quick an announcement was not. Clearly CBS wanted to get the speculation behind it and begin laying the groundwork for the transition as as soon as possible.
Read more: http://timesleader.com/news/local-news-news/1317426/Colbert-to-replace-Letterman-as-Late-Show-host
Pottstown Area PAL Presents 3rd Annual Comedy Show
Headliner: Chris Coccia
Feature: Rubi Nicholas
MC: James Thomas
May 10th, 2014
Doors open at 7pm * Showtime is 8:15pm
TICKETS $20.00
Elks Lodge #814 * 61 E. High St., Pottstown
Contact the PAL office for tickets: 610-327-0527
Benefits ALL PAL Programs.
Snacks & Beverages provided along with sandwiches sold by the Elks Lodge. Come out for
some great laughs and lots of fun!
SPONSORED BY THE POTTSTOWN AREA POLICE ATHLETIC LEAGUE
Walmart Called – Your Christmas Photos Are ready (24 pics)
Some holiday “cheer” from your favorite Walmartians 🙂
Click here to view the photos: http://seriouslyforreal.com/funny/walmart-called-your-christmas-photos-are-ready-24-pics/
Today’s Funny
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”
The husband texted back to her: “I’m on the toilet.
Please advise.”
Hysterical Interview Of Ryan Lochte On Good Day Philadelphia
The interview is funny but after Ryan is done watch Sheinelle Jones laugh so hard she cries, snorts and they go to break. Ryan has a new reality show on E! which he is promoting, hence the interview.
Click here: http://www.myfoxphilly.com/video?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=8787217
Gun Control – At Cabela’s (Today’s Funny)
Editor’s Note: A lighter look at gun control that made its way to my inbox this morning 🙂
Gun Control — It’s already started at Cabela’s Sporting Goods Store
There was a bit of confusion at the Cabela’s Sporting Goods store this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!
Muhlenberg’s ‘Bartholomew Fair’ Offers ‘Mix Of Punk And Puritan,’ Still Relevant 400 Years After Debut
Logo of Muhlenberg College (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Allentown, Pa. – For years, Muhlenberg College theater students have looked forward to working with Kevin Crawford, a professor at the Accademia dell’Arte in Arezzo, Italy. Now, Crawford brings his unique brand of physical theater to the Muhlenberg Mainstage with Ben Jonson‘s over-the-top comedy “Bartholomew Fair.”
One of Europe’s premiere schools for the performing arts, Accademia dell’Arte is a popular study-abroad location for Muhlenberg theater and dance majors. Kevin Crawford has worked with Muhlenberg students since 2002 as a professor at the Accademia and currently directs the school’s Master of Fine Arts program in physical theater. Crawford makes his Muhlenberg directing debut.
The production runs Feb. 21-24 in the Baker Theatre at Muhlenberg. Crawford and musician Caroline Boersma are this season’s Baker Artists-in-Residence, sponsored by the Dexter F. and Dorothy H. Baker Foundation.
Jonson’s 1614 play is “a noisy, exuberant slice of Jacobean life,” Crawford says. Depicting a day in the 17th century life of the Fair, the play pits Puritan excesses against the cruder vices and pleasures of the Fair’s underclass — the thieves, swindlers, prostitutes and pimps who thrived there.
“It’s about the upper-class society meeting the underbelly at the Fair and what happens when they interact,” Crawford says. “Madmen become prophets. Prophets humiliate themselves and gradually become madmen themselves. It’s a mix of punk, puritan, and opposition. Clean versus dirty.”
Crawford says that despite its 17th century origins, the story still resonates with modern audiences. Crawford wants to take the world of “Bartholomew Fair,” Jonson’s last great comedy, and show exactly how relevant it still is today.
“I’ve done ‘Bartholomew Fair’ before with students and I liked it,” Crawford says. “I was attracted to its language and its time. It’s a contemporary of ‘The Tempest,’ but a bit more racy. It’s quite unusual. … It’s a comedy, definitely not a heavy piece. It’s a fun piece.
“The thing that’s fun for me is watching this 400-year-old text just bursting to life. It’s like a firework display.”
Kevin Crawford is a founding member of the Roy Hart Theatre Company, whose groundbreaking influence on contemporary voice-work for theater is internationally recognized. He toured extensively with the company for more than 20 years, during which time the company received several prestigious prizes including an Obie Award in New York and the Prix Jean Vilar at The Printemps des Comédiens.
Crawford’s Accademia colleague, Boersma will provide original musical arrangements to the production. Her unique score uses music from the early 1600s, which she will accompany on cello, along with vocal and instrumental performances by the actors themselves. Boersma is coordinator of the music program at the Accademia dell’Arte, where she also teaches,
The music is important because it’s written into the show,” Boersma says. “Characters are always singing. It’s quite integrated. For me as a musician, it’s always interesting to work with theater. It adds a dimension.”
The show will also feature Muhlenberg faculty member Holly Cate in the role of Ursula, the Pig Woman. Cate describes Ursula as a grandmother figure to the Fair participants.
“Ursula is mean and nasty,” she says, “but she also takes care of everyone, and they take care of her.”
She describes the humor as “funny and bawdy,” with extreme characters and outrageous situations, and she says audiences will empathize with the characters’ faults and hypocrisies, as well as their successes.
“It’s like Monty Python in 1605,” she says.
Cate originally signed on to do the show because she wanted the opportunity to work with Crawford.
“If he wanted me to read from the telephone book, that is what I would do and I would have been delighted,” Cate says. “He’s fabulous. It’s incredible to be in the room with an artist of his caliber and a teacher of his caliber.”
Faculty member Tim Averill’s scenic design will add another dimension to the show. Recently returned from sabbatical during which he explored ways in which sustainability can be incorporated into the theatrical process, Averill seeks to keep the production as eco-friendly as possible.
“Limitation is a path to creativity,” Averill says. “Sustainable theater happens when conscious choices to be sustainable are part of the artistic aesthetic.”
Averill’s set design will use elements from previous productions as well as found objects that will be modified for the show. In addition, all the paint on set will be water based, not petroleum based, and he will use the least amount of “new stuff” possible to create a hand-crafted aesthetic, he says.
Averill hopes to use “Bartholomew Fair” as an example of how a designer can preserve production values while also creating a sustainable piece of theater.
“I’m excited about the challenge of the production,” Averill says, “and I’m excited to be part of a process that puts fun out into the world.”
Both Averill and Crawford have tried to incorporate fun into every aspect of the show, from the rehearsal and design processes to the performance itself. For Cate, the process has shown her how accessible the humor in the script really is.
“Kevin has a love for the language, which is rich and nasty and fabulous and profane,” Cate says. “I think it’s going to be like a little confection that everyone is going to enjoy. It’s going to be very funny — a grand experiment.”
“Bartholomew Fair” will feature costume design by guest artist Annie Simon and lighting design by Gertjan Houben. Molly Serpi is the production stage manager.
Performances of “Bartholomew Fair” are Feb. 21–24: Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m. Tickets are $15 for adults and $8 for patrons 17 and under and LVAIC students, faculty, and staff. Performances are in the Baker Theater, Trexler Pavilion for Theater and Dance, Muhlenberg College, 2400 Chew St., Allentown. Muhlenberg Theater & Dance performance information and tickets are available at 484-664-3333 orwww.muhlenberg.edu/main/academics/theatre-dance/
First Night Pittsburgh Brings Downtown Alive With More Than 100 Events In 45 Venues
English: Downtown Pittsburgh (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
You can ring in the new year at home with Ryan Seacrest — sadly, we lost Dick Clark this year — or you can join the crowd at one of the city’s most festive celebrations, Highmark First Night Pittsburgh.
As Stefon would say on “Saturday Night Live,” it has everything: Bollywood dancers, Japanese sword dancers, rockers, hip-hoppers, puppet paraders, treasure mappers, unicycling jugglers, human pinatas — no, not really pinatas, but that’s about all it doesn’t have.
It begins at 6 p.m. Monday with a Dollar Bank Children’s Fireworks Display and a performance by Adam Brock & The Soul Band on the Dollar Bank Stage at Seventh Street and Penn Avenue.
The evening concludes with a performance by the Dirty Dozen Brass Band, a New Orleans jazz/R&B institution since 1977, and then the Countdown to Midnight and Future of Pittsburgh Grand Finale atop Penn Avenue Place and Fifth Avenue Place.
Today’s Funny – Your Duck Is Dead…
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s
chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the
vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean
you haven’t done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the
room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry,
but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!”
she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the
Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”
An Ode To Andy Reid :)
Today’s Funny – Amish Elevator…..Priceless (Oldie)
A little Lancaster County humor!
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, ‘What is this Father?’
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ‘Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.’
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a calorically challenged senior female in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the woman rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…..
‘Go get your Mother’
How to Bathe A Cat – Today’s Funny
Sounds like a Tom and Jerry cartoon!
1. Thoroughly clean toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this.)
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.
7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.
Sincerely,
Roy's Rants - For Your Information 