Category Archives: Humor
Today’s Funny – Cell Phones In Church
This is hysterical! It should apply to other public activities as well!
Gospel Concert & Christian Comedy Show – Pottstown
Saturday, April 21, 3pm
Second Baptist Church, 507 N. Adams Street, Pottstown
Support the great things happening through the Wings of Victory Outreach Organization and enjoy an evening of great entertainment.
All proceeds will benefit programs for homeless women.
PROGRAM INCLUDES:
Soloist: Arnetta Morgan
Choirs:
Mt. Olive Baptist Church Mass Choir, Pottstown, PA
Zion Baptist Church Choir, Ambler PA
Bethel Baptist Church Mass Choir, Phoenixville, PA
Second Baptist Church Mass Choir, Pottstown, PA
Comedian: “Miss Regina” of Delaware (Regina Scott)
Presentation to Honor Margaret Banks for her work in the community
Today’s Funny
AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS (Even if this is not true, it’s hysterical)
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E..S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … isn’t it?!
I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with crap in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb – after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc…)
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you – but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
Little Known Facts From History – Today’s Humor
A pastor friend of mine sent me this and it is too funny not to share!
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.
He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”
And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO,” said Abraham.
And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that’s the truth.
Chapter 13, verses 7-16
Saturday Silly Humor
This came via email from a reader and it’s too funny not to share.
One Sunday, counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he said.
“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”
The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?” The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”
The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”
“He is a veterinarian,” she answered. “That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”
The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada … …
drum roll please……..
He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
Image via Wikipedia
How Do You Know When It’s Too Hot!
You know it’s too hot outside when this happens:
A Friday Funny! This Will Make You LOL!
Senior Olympic Synchronized Swimming
The Haircut – Today’s Humor!
| One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
—After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON! |
Montgomery County’s Wacky Political Landscape
Image via Wikipedia
Here is a funny but fairly correct assessment of the nonsense that is Montgomery County politics. This is a primary year so it would pay to be informed on what is going on in Norristown!
A short but entertaining read:
Today’s Humor
Welcome to Pottsamucil – The Home Of Low-Income Senior Housing
Top Ten Things Found In Pottsamucil – (I know, I stole this from Letterman)
10. Instead of sneakers hanging from the telephone wires…we have dentures
9. Prune juice in public water fountains
8. Blue hair rinse and Metamucil gift packs with the borough seal on them available at Wal-Mart and other fine retailers
7. Every day is Senior Citizen Discount Day in Pottsamucil
6. Every store has motorized scooters available for senior patrons
5. Handicapped parking spaces account for 50% of all borough parking spaces
4. Lawrence Welk plays over the loudspeakers downtown for shoppers to enjoy
3. Pottsamucil Aluminum Walker Club – Creakin’ For A Cause
2. Seniors Ride on PART for .50 cents every day
1. Instead of banners there are Depends hanging from the lamp posts on the Hanover Street Bridge welcoming you to Pottsamucil.
Today’s Funny
The result of cutting down too many trees 
Darwin Award Winner
Ganga smoking granny Kathleen Urda of Susquehanna, Pa. got herself in a bit of a sticky wicket Sunday morning. Kathleen locked her keys in her car at a gas station and called the police for help.
When the police arrived, Kathleen was indeed locked out of her vehicle. As it would happen, a tow truck operator also came along and was able to open the car door. Normally this would be the end of the story with a happy ending, Sunshine and puppies all around yada, yada, yada.
However, somebody (we won’t mention any names) had a senior moment and left a joint on the center console in plain view of the nice police officer. In the words of Steve Erkel “Did I do that?”
Kathleen made a valiant attempt to hide the joint with her hand (how clever) but the astute officer had already seen it. BUSTED! Kathleen fessed up, turned over more marijuana, rolling papers and a pipe. Her statement was (gotta love this one) she doesn’t do it very often…..ummmm you have rolling paper and a pipe…nice try! Sounds like granny is taking cues from her grandkids.
Granny got a good talking to, was cited with disorderly conduct and released. Of course, her stash was confiscated.
Maybe you should try some Ginkgo biloba instead of reefer…sounds like your memory needs some help!
Local Fundraiser For Gulf Oil Spill Disaster
The Civic Theatre of Allentown is hosting a comedy benefit fundraiser on Saturday, July 3rd. Doors open at 8:15 pm (show starts at 9:00 pm) and half of the evening’s proceeds go toward clean up in the Gulf of Mexico. If you want to do something to help and haven’t figured out how, here is an opportunity.
More information: http://www.civictheatre.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=115&Itemid=135
A Friday Funny
TGIF and here is a laugh for you! Cute video of a child after a trip to the dentist… Anesthesia isn’t worn off yet!
Joan Rivers Being Joan Rivers
Today’s Humor
Remake Of Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s Telephone Video By Troops In Afghanistan
Very funny stuff!
